"Becoming Jane" by LoreliD
A Rec from the Indies 1st Time Writer's Challenge
There are a handful of challenges in writing high quality fan fiction.
These are the things that make some fic authors hide in corners, swaying back and forth rhythmically as they attempt to wrap their minds around how to best execute them. You can probably guess a few of them, but I’m going to focus on three.
First, writing “in canon” is difficult. You have to remember Stephenie Meyer’s (admittedly spotty) timeline. You must recall any details that were revealed about your characters’ history and sometimes future. You need to acclimate the tone of your writing to match their “voice” as provided in the Saga.
Second, it is a bit of a double-edged sword to write about underutilized characters. You know the ones: the characters that had so much potential in the Saga but only appeared once or twice. It’s interesting how palpable most readers’ attachments are to characters like Garrett or Alec or Jane when really, they were but blips on the radar in the many pages we all read. Their lack of depth in the Saga allows for real, honest character development on the part of a writer, but sometimes that is overwhelming, is it not?
Finally, writing horror can quickly become clichéd and annoying, and perhaps too gruesome for the average reader to handle. There’s a fine line between showcasing the gore for what it is and causing a squick-fest for your audience.
“Becoming Jane”, by LoreliD, tackles each of these three topics smoothly, resulting in an amazing story. Aside from the Austen reference in the title – perhaps a cheeky reference to Bella’s love of classic literature – LoreliD delves into Jane’s psyche and back story with clear and concise wording, painting vivid pictures of the history of the broken, sadistic angel whom we all remember well.
Oh… have I mentioned that this is LoreliD’s first posted fic…ever?
Color me – and the other judges in the First Time Writer’s Challenge – impressed.
We begin with Jane and Alec’s damnation by the Church:
“I can quite easily recall the putrid stench of horse manure and rotting refuse that always tainted the air of the Volterra Square in those days. I can clearly recollect the distinct scent of burning pitch as the cypress wood blazed under me with creaking groans. Even more so, I can hear the echo of the screaming, faceless mob whipped into an ignorant frenzy encouraged by their Church. But above all else, I can remember feeling the hellish inferno of hungry, lapping flames that savored the taste of my bare toes and legs with greedy expectation, hissing cruelly while the smoke swirled relentlessly around my head.”
Such imagery! Such a perfect voice for a girl that would eventually become the sick little freak we all have a strange affinity for in the Saga.
From that point, we learn Jane’s story. We watch as she learns that she gets a strange excitement out of inflicting pain. We see Sister Isabella – Jane’s most unfavorite nun, and perhaps part of the reason she has such disdain for Bella later – have her condemned. We are there to watch her awakening, to see her become Aro’s pet, to watch as she makes her first kills.
It’s gory, to be sure. It’s ugly. It’s dark and sinister.
But LoreliD wrote this story in such a way that you are almost – dare I say it? – sympathetic to the girl (at least at first, anyway). The history she gives our favorite imp, the way she describes every dark corner of Jane's mind...each detail is key and vivid. Go read it now.
Congratulations, Loreli! Your entrance into the world of fan fiction was fantastic, and we really hope to see more from you. “Becoming Jane” was absolutely excellent, and we applaud you.


